okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
