While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
