ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize