forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
