Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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