I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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