Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I believe in your delicious
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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