apparently the secret to your success is patron
i want to swaddle you in tequila
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
