I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
