My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
