you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
