he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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