don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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