i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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