Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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