it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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