dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
