btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
