Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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