did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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