I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
