the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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