I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
COCAINE IS GR8
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