new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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