My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
