you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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