Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
