Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
