Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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