my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
