Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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