just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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