I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
