someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
