forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
