Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
