This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
dude. I can hear the air.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
