oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
