it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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