Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize