I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
