Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize