I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
