worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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