she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
