u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
