Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sex in a hospital.. check
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
