Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
time to smoke my breakfast
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
