I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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