just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize