Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
