Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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