Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
