Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
