I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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