Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
