I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
