Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
