I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
