toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
