and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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