He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
