hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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