All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
