just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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